Freezing rain, so we bagged the appt. Nice and quiet, weather captives.
posted from Bloggeroid
How to tell a story
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Success!
My loaf of wheat looks great ... sanity! Next up, caraway rye.
Oatmeal weather, on stove now. H seems to have had a less stressful night than usual ... I'll let her sleep in, enjoy the quiet. Weather alert pulled back, should be ok to drive.
A decent morning, which alas is likely to change. Continuity impossible, so you go with what comes.
Very challenging to shape this in the novella ... may experiment with form, may also borrow some Woody Allen techniques for giving moral issues a comic twist.
A book group doing my Sodom novel in a few weeks. Very unusual. Curious.
Had opportunity to refer to my 1975 one act The Death of Teng Yin-feng. Whole cloth, my body of work of one piece.
Too bad I'll be dead when somebody figures this out. But they will.
Oatmeal weather, on stove now. H seems to have had a less stressful night than usual ... I'll let her sleep in, enjoy the quiet. Weather alert pulled back, should be ok to drive.
A decent morning, which alas is likely to change. Continuity impossible, so you go with what comes.
Very challenging to shape this in the novella ... may experiment with form, may also borrow some Woody Allen techniques for giving moral issues a comic twist.
A book group doing my Sodom novel in a few weeks. Very unusual. Curious.
Had opportunity to refer to my 1975 one act The Death of Teng Yin-feng. Whole cloth, my body of work of one piece.
Too bad I'll be dead when somebody figures this out. But they will.
posted from Bloggeroid
Rare sanity
Baking bread!
Afternoon appt, may be snowed out.
Terrible day yesterday. H forgot by night. She thought it was a great day. More power to her.
OT over. One less expense.
Hope to watch Cal game tonight.
Lots of brooding about novella. No time to write.
Long fall and winter ahead. One foot after the other.
Afternoon appt, may be snowed out.
Terrible day yesterday. H forgot by night. She thought it was a great day. More power to her.
OT over. One less expense.
Hope to watch Cal game tonight.
Lots of brooding about novella. No time to write.
Long fall and winter ahead. One foot after the other.
posted from Bloggeroid
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
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Character
Character
Character never reveals
its true substance
until faced with
a profound crisis.
There is no preparation
for moments like this,
all stress and insecurity,
where action is instinct.
Good instincts come
from parents and priests,
culture and ideology,
even music, books,
the fabric of experience
that shapes each of us.
In a crisis, who we are
becomes what we do.
This is why so many
official heroes, upon
receiving a medal,
say without ambiguity
I am not a hero.
I did what had to be done.
Character never reveals
its true substance
until faced with
a profound crisis.
There is no preparation
for moments like this,
all stress and insecurity,
where action is instinct.
Good instincts come
from parents and priests,
culture and ideology,
even music, books,
the fabric of experience
that shapes each of us.
In a crisis, who we are
becomes what we do.
This is why so many
official heroes, upon
receiving a medal,
say without ambiguity
I am not a hero.
I did what had to be done.
posted from Bloggeroid
Rare, rave production
UC Berkeley doing Pirandello's Six Characters... to rave reviews in Chronicle. Wish I could see it!
Also, Bay area festival of little known French noir films getting raves.
Meanwhile, another stressful day begins in Puddle City, today America's most over-rated city (but a socialist utopia damn near in the 70s, 80s, with city subsidized theater companies and much more).
Etc etc etc
Also, Bay area festival of little known French noir films getting raves.
Meanwhile, another stressful day begins in Puddle City, today America's most over-rated city (but a socialist utopia damn near in the 70s, 80s, with city subsidized theater companies and much more).
Etc etc etc
posted from Bloggeroid
Monday, November 10, 2014
Waiting room
H taking her treadmill test ... results determine if she can return to her exercise class.
Two firsts: last night, first night without hysterics before bed, hearing things, etc ... and first morning she smiled since months before the heart attack (an official morning grouch). But by mid morning, back to the usual stress and discontent. Nothing lasts long around here.
We're both starving. From here to FOOD.
Two firsts: last night, first night without hysterics before bed, hearing things, etc ... and first morning she smiled since months before the heart attack (an official morning grouch). But by mid morning, back to the usual stress and discontent. Nothing lasts long around here.
We're both starving. From here to FOOD.
posted from Bloggeroid
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Shepherd's Pie
We were dinner guests, and the hostess served a turkey shepherd's pie, really good. Been a while since I'd had it.
Got curious. Learned original name was cottage pie. And ...
"The term cottage pie is known to have been in use in 1791,[2][6][7] when the potato was being introduced as an edible crop affordable for the poor (cf. "cottage" meaning a modest dwelling for rural workers).
HistoryEdit
In early cookery books, the dish was a means of using leftover roasted meat of any kind, and the pie dish was lined with mashed potato as well as having a mashed potato crust on top.[8][9]
The term "shepherd's pie" did not appear until 1877,[2] and since then it has been used synonymously with "cottage pie", regardless of whether the principal ingredient was beef or mutton.[1][4][7][8][9][10][11] More recently, the term "shepherd's pie" has been used when the meat is lamb,[12][13] the theory being that shepherds are concerned with sheep[14] and not cattle[15][16][17] (see folk etymology)." (Wikipedia)
Got curious. Learned original name was cottage pie. And ...
"The term cottage pie is known to have been in use in 1791,[2][6][7] when the potato was being introduced as an edible crop affordable for the poor (cf. "cottage" meaning a modest dwelling for rural workers).
HistoryEdit
In early cookery books, the dish was a means of using leftover roasted meat of any kind, and the pie dish was lined with mashed potato as well as having a mashed potato crust on top.[8][9]
The term "shepherd's pie" did not appear until 1877,[2] and since then it has been used synonymously with "cottage pie", regardless of whether the principal ingredient was beef or mutton.[1][4][7][8][9][10][11] More recently, the term "shepherd's pie" has been used when the meat is lamb,[12][13] the theory being that shepherds are concerned with sheep[14] and not cattle[15][16][17] (see folk etymology)." (Wikipedia)
posted from Bloggeroid
Friday, November 7, 2014
Kitchen Girl, or adventures in ukulele studies
Been working on hardest clawhammer ukulele song I've tried, old fiddle tune called Kitchen Girl, and am close enough to believe I'll get it. Much challenge, much fun. Also working on Fly Me To The Moon and Fur Elise. Recordings eventually.
posted from Bloggeroid
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Why do I feel so good?
Very strange day! I actually feel good! First time in weeks. Why? No good news to report ... it's same o, same o, with all the usual stresses. Maybe my deep seated fuck it mentality has triumphed. I am reminded of lyrics by Woody Guthrie ...
That old dust storm
can kill my babies
but it can't kill me, Lord
and it can't kill me
Now that man was a survivor!
That old dust storm
can kill my babies
but it can't kill me, Lord
and it can't kill me
Now that man was a survivor!
posted from Bloggeroid
Under 240
Weighed in at 238 after my shower this morning, amazingly close to my jock football playing days ... cannot remember the last time I weighed this. Probably in the early 1960s.
No doubt this is not a healthy way to lose weight ... in fact, I've made no effort to do so. I guess I don't eat much. I make H a meal and grab a piece of toast for myself or something. Weight loss is the last thing on my mind. But I'm never hungry. So apparently I don't eat.
I don't feel under nourished. Maybe I have a terminal illness so I can use the Death With Dignity act! Sick joke.
No doubt this is not a healthy way to lose weight ... in fact, I've made no effort to do so. I guess I don't eat much. I make H a meal and grab a piece of toast for myself or something. Weight loss is the last thing on my mind. But I'm never hungry. So apparently I don't eat.
I don't feel under nourished. Maybe I have a terminal illness so I can use the Death With Dignity act! Sick joke.
posted from Bloggeroid
Day and night
Good day yestetday, maybe our best - but a terrible night. She hears things at night - water running, other things - that are only in her head, fears she is going mad. By the time I calm her down, I'm a mental wreck myself. I've urged her to see a shrink, will keep trying.
Baking bread! Baking bread!
Baking bread! Baking bread!
posted from Bloggeroid
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Marital Advice, a true story
many years ago
I found myself
in a bar in
Kirkland, Washington
filled with bikers
celebrating a wedding anniversary
late in the night
I stood beside
the honored wife
clad in leather
tattooed, tough
so I asked her
the secret of
a long happy marriage
without missing a beat
and with a huge grin
she told me this
give good head
I found myself
in a bar in
Kirkland, Washington
filled with bikers
celebrating a wedding anniversary
late in the night
I stood beside
the honored wife
clad in leather
tattooed, tough
so I asked her
the secret of
a long happy marriage
without missing a beat
and with a huge grin
she told me this
give good head
posted from Bloggeroid
Monday, November 3, 2014
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Always something new
The latest homefront drama has become One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest ... I'm the tyrant Nurse, trying to control her ... the doctors try to make her brain like everyone elses ... she is an INDIVIDUAL and their theories don't apply to her.
Well, may the gods bless her, maybe she' s right. Doctors have been wrong before. But for damn sure I am tired of being called the bad guy. I'm going to try and make her self-sufficient, like managing own medication, asap ... I'm going to redirect my energy to getting the house ready to sell. I'm maintaining financial management because I know how to say no, but the rest, she can do whatever she wants. If the doctors are right, well, there's an heroic side to her fucking up. And maybe they are wrong. I'm tired of being in the middle of it.
This has been one huge nightmare. Not exactly the cozy, get-together time I had in mind. But if I continue like this, I'll end up jumping off a bridge, and it's a little premature for such an existential gesture.
Well, may the gods bless her, maybe she' s right. Doctors have been wrong before. But for damn sure I am tired of being called the bad guy. I'm going to try and make her self-sufficient, like managing own medication, asap ... I'm going to redirect my energy to getting the house ready to sell. I'm maintaining financial management because I know how to say no, but the rest, she can do whatever she wants. If the doctors are right, well, there's an heroic side to her fucking up. And maybe they are wrong. I'm tired of being in the middle of it.
This has been one huge nightmare. Not exactly the cozy, get-together time I had in mind. But if I continue like this, I'll end up jumping off a bridge, and it's a little premature for such an existential gesture.
posted from Bloggeroid
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Peace and quiet
Very rare, a quiet house! At least for an hour or two with H off having coffee with a friend. Not a great week so far. At least game 7 soon ... small rewards.
I started learning a new clawhammer song, and I wrote a new page in the novella. Not a total loss today.
How in hell did I ever delude myself into thinking this might be like a vacation - or a honeymoon! Talk about wishful thinking.
How I envy hermits in the desert.
It's all material yada yada.
Another rough morning
Etc etc etc.
I think day's with doctor appointments are easier for her ... a focus for the day.
I think day's with doctor appointments are easier for her ... a focus for the day.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Rough morning
H had both physical and mental issues this morning, lots of grief.
Better now, she's out for coffee with a friend.
I remain perpetually exhausted. Had ambitious morning plans, ukulele and writing, but not today, it turns out. Maybe tomorrow.
At least it's a slow week.
Will KC push it to game 7?
Better now, she's out for coffee with a friend.
I remain perpetually exhausted. Had ambitious morning plans, ukulele and writing, but not today, it turns out. Maybe tomorrow.
At least it's a slow week.
Will KC push it to game 7?
posted from Bloggeroid
Monday, October 27, 2014
Brecht!
My pre-order of Kindle edition of the collected plays book with Mahagonny and 3 Penny Opera scheduled to be delivered on Thursday. Eagerly awaited!
posted from Bloggeroid
Friendship
Harriet's dear friend Pam stopped by, they took a long walk and Pam reiterated the hospital experiences H can't remember. Good for H to hear them from a different voice.
We got all the chores on our list done today.
We got all the chores on our list done today.
posted from Bloggeroid
Medical bill$
We have great health insurance, which is the only way we will survive this financially. The crisis is a matter of timing: we had just reduced our income by five digits with my retirement (no benefits, being adjunct). Not a good time for bills to skyrocket. But on the other hand, at least I have time to be a caregiver.
And our ace in the hole is the house; selling would get us out of debt, and the primary task is to retain this balance sheet, which I see as doable as long as we don't have frills in the budget. Easy for me, hard for her. I know how to say No ... in fact, it's one of my favorite words ha ha.
All this comes to mind with today's mail, bringing almost a grand in bills.
My gas bill for trips to and from hospital in Sept ... over $200!
Well, it's all material. There's always that.
And our ace in the hole is the house; selling would get us out of debt, and the primary task is to retain this balance sheet, which I see as doable as long as we don't have frills in the budget. Easy for me, hard for her. I know how to say No ... in fact, it's one of my favorite words ha ha.
All this comes to mind with today's mail, bringing almost a grand in bills.
My gas bill for trips to and from hospital in Sept ... over $200!
Well, it's all material. There's always that.
posted from Bloggeroid
The end of literacy
Just as Ezra Pound predicted over half a century ago.
In the news today:
"Amazon wants to take some of the mystery out of predicting what books will sell with its new Kindle Scout publishing program, which lets readers vote on their favourite excerpts from unreleased books to determine what does (and what doesn’t) get published. Welcome to the court to common opinion, aspiring authors."
The lowest common denominator marches on!
In the news today:
"Amazon wants to take some of the mystery out of predicting what books will sell with its new Kindle Scout publishing program, which lets readers vote on their favourite excerpts from unreleased books to determine what does (and what doesn’t) get published. Welcome to the court to common opinion, aspiring authors."
The lowest common denominator marches on!
posted from Bloggeroid
Sunday, October 26, 2014
KC, SF
Interesting to read the SF Chronicle every morning - and be rooting for KC! A tribute to Bob Trevor, my favorite teacher, who ended his career there before retiring in Honolulu. I visited both places in the 1970s and 1980s, when he passed.
After the Army, I took a Modern Poetry class from him at Pasadena City College, early 1960s, which changed my life. Later he was the first teacher to encourage me to write professionally.
He'd be rooting for KC so I am for him.
After the Army, I took a Modern Poetry class from him at Pasadena City College, early 1960s, which changed my life. Later he was the first teacher to encourage me to write professionally.
He'd be rooting for KC so I am for him.
posted from Bloggeroid
Happy birthday ...
... to me. 75. A disastrous morning, sick and stressed and depressed, but I improved through the day. Ready for a very big game in the WS.
A slow week for doctors, which will help the dwindling finances.
A slow week for doctors, which will help the dwindling finances.
posted from Bloggeroid
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Small pleasures
Man, I'm glad I make great iced coffee and bread. At least a part of my day won't turn into a disaster.
posted from Bloggeroid
Nature
OK, I get it
about chaos theory
about existential absurdity
about this and that
the parade of theories
trying to explain
all this mental static
in the culture
but what I don't get
is why it is so hard
to accept our tiny place
in the natural order
and why we think
we control
the natural forces
that created us
why we think
we are smarter
than a butterfly
why we think Nature
gives an owl's hoot
how much we save
by shopping at Costco
gives an owl's hoot
that our days
are numbered
about chaos theory
about existential absurdity
about this and that
the parade of theories
trying to explain
all this mental static
in the culture
but what I don't get
is why it is so hard
to accept our tiny place
in the natural order
and why we think
we control
the natural forces
that created us
why we think
we are smarter
than a butterfly
why we think Nature
gives an owl's hoot
how much we save
by shopping at Costco
gives an owl's hoot
that our days
are numbered
posted from Bloggeroid
Navy Glee Club
Perhaps the only pre-game version of the National Anthem that doesn't make me cringe.
posted from Bloggeroid
Friday, October 24, 2014
To the Gods
TO THE GODS
Let me spend
my last few months
in peace and quiet
bothering no one
bothered by no one
with time for reflection
time for meditation
time for brooding
doing nothing
supremely well
so that my passing
is still like a star
is silent like a leaf
breath in
breath out
and finally rest
Let me spend
my last few months
in peace and quiet
bothering no one
bothered by no one
with time for reflection
time for meditation
time for brooding
doing nothing
supremely well
so that my passing
is still like a star
is silent like a leaf
breath in
breath out
and finally rest
posted from Bloggeroid
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