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"You can't fix it. You can't make it go away.
I don't know what you're going to do about it,
But I know what I'm going to do about it. I'm just
going to walk away from it. Maybe
A small part of it will die if I'm not around
feeding it anymore."
--Lew Welch
How to tell a story
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Yep
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Major changes going on with me. I spent hours yesterday in my basement office, the house cleaner upstairs, with a perfect time to write on Titanic. I didn't even open the file. It's not that I don't like the concept -- it could be my best work. But so what? I have lost the faith that literature matters in my culture. It's been perverted into a marketplace commodity. The age of literature is over, says Philip Roth, and he is right. A new sensibility, a new kind of mental focus, has been born, against brooding, reflection, all things slow. Opinion now matters more than knowledge. Everyone thinks they are free. What a perverse joke. We have created a society of consumer slaves, who need "likes" on Facebook to justify themselves. Sick sick sick.
In this environment, why write? A major theme in Titanic!! Which is why I may yet finish it, once winter comes and there's not much else to do. We shall see, we shall see. It is indeed a great concept. So what?
What interests me most now, the activity, is cooking. I get off on cooking ... as now, paella in the oven. Gerry Mulligan playing. As happy as possible for me, I think.
And Harriet is getting a sense of humor about her old age! She made a great joke about it going out the door today. Hopeful sign she can turn her whining feeling sorry for herself mode around.
If I were young today, 20s or 30s, I would leave the country. Where I'd like to go has weather that would be hard for me: Iceland, Nova Scotia, Scandanavia. Not sure where I'd end up. Maybe live in a van and be a vagabond here. Also, I'd have to make a living.
Man, have I been lucky in that department! I've mostly been able to survive as an artist, with grants, with projects, with teaching, with help from others. Remarkable because I am sure I could not do this today. Far fewer opportunities. Again, a major factor in my blessed life is being born before Pearl Harbor, being a teenager at the birth of rock and roll, being too young for Korea, a Cold War vet by Vietnam, becoming a literary writer at a time of good grant support, getting a commission for hyperdrama that would put me far ahead of the curve, resulting in now being "in the canon" of first generation hypertext, an obscure honor far, far better than nothing, believe me ... and actually, after I pass, I think some grad student somewhere is going to discover my novels, which I consider high on my list of accomplishments. 3 or 4 are worth lasting, and SODOM, GOMORRAH & JONES captures America's dilemma today, by my lights. Blah blah blah. Ha ha ha.
See why I quit writing?
I hope Harriet gets her shit together. Day to day stuff would be much more fun if she wasn't feeling sorry for herself all the time. Her friends and family don't see that. She is a proud lady with skill at showing a front. I don't benefit from the charade.
Her joke on herself today was great! More moroe more! Man, if you can't laugh at old age, you are in deep shit.
Monday, September 28, 2015
"Education" marches on
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Understood
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More coming?
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Paul Weitz

Weitz has directed some mainstream movies I'm not particularly fond of ... so GRANDMA, which he wrote and directed, surprised me, especially when he set up - and turned down! - a feel-good Hollywood ending, staying true to the character instead. Not a Hollywood hero but an existential hero. Consequently I greatly admire this film. And his art here.
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Sunday, September 27, 2015
Yep
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Yep
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Go, coach!
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Pundits! Jeez ...
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Football
Oregon collapsed, murdered at home by Utah. UCLA-Utah in November might be a biggie.
I suspect many surprises are ahead.
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Rents
"Sick of the housing prices? Nobody's required to live here, and poet Anne Leonard recently packed up for Nashville. She gave up her unit in a North Beach single-room-occupancy hotel, which cost $1,600 a month for a room and access to a communal bathroom and kitchen. "I have a beautiful, amazing one-bedroom with an incredible view that goes for about 50 miles into the hills," she said. "It's $585 a month.""
Another reason to stay in our house!
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Saturday, September 26, 2015
Song of the Old Bones
my race is run
I had some glory
had some fun
If you remember
what I've done
don't forget
to tell someone
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Moving slow
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Sad
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Perspective
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Back door
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Friday, September 25, 2015
No bullshit
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Duh
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Collected works
Several years ago, not one person in my class, including English majors and graduate students, had ever read Auden. Only one knew who he is. SHOCKING!
I had the honor of spending several hours with him in mid 1960s, when he came to campus to read at Pasadena City College. I was student on his welcoming committee. He drank many martinis ... and gave a flawless reading.
Dorothy Day
How about BEFORE the Internet?
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Thursday, September 24, 2015
Go, go
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Alas, no change likely
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The Pope's Founding Fathers
Pretty far out.
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Wednesday, September 23, 2015

My recent lack of energy, and to a major degree, is puzzling. I feel a bit under the weather, a cold not quite ready to arrive, and this may be it; or it may be a new stage in old age. Whatever it is, I am dragging through the day and baking bread or biscuits, or grilling, is about all the activity I can manage during the day. I dabble on other things ... just about have June Apple down on banjor, for example.
Harriet, too, talks about lack of energy but she takes it harder than I am. She is having a very hard time accepting being "old." I actually like being old, more or less. I love the lack of deadlines and responsibility! I like the richness of long brooding and contemplation and meditation. But I don't like aches and pains, which in mild forms are constant, and I don't like dragging around at this new increased level.
But I never forget how blessed my life has been and remains. One of the lucky ones!
Getting periodic maintenance on our heater, hope it doesn't cost too much. Very tight budget, always. But we're hanging in. We can't afford trips whenever we want that is what a reverse mortgage was going to finance but that's fine by me. H misses it more.
Noise from the basment! A vacuum, I think ... he's cleaning the furnace.
Mariners playing better ball since All Star game than in first half of season. They may get to .500 yet.
Big UCLA game against Arizona this weekend. Loving college football this season.
Hear, hear!
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Hanging in
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