Sunday Mourning
I have spent my life
striving to arrange words
into stories that revealed
small truths about
our common human
experience.
When I began,
I thought this work
was important and
noble, work with
significant consequences.
As an old man,
I'm not so sure.
I know some have
responded to my
work, but by and large
I can't say the world is
a better place for
my having written.
I don't doubt the work.
I have never doubted
my work. But I doubt
its relevance in this
consumer culture
in which I find myself.
A critic once called me
"one of Oregon's most
precious natural resources"
which sounded flattering
until I remembered how we
treat the environment.
I used to tell myself
that the worth of my work
would emerge more widely
after my death but now
this too has the sour
after-taste of delusion.
I made many sacrifices
on behalf of my work.
Were they made in vain?
I'm not the first to ask.
I won't be the last.
I have spent my life
striving to arrange words
into stories that revealed
small truths about
our common human
experience.
When I began,
I thought this work
was important and
noble, work with
significant consequences.
As an old man,
I'm not so sure.
I know some have
responded to my
work, but by and large
I can't say the world is
a better place for
my having written.
I don't doubt the work.
I have never doubted
my work. But I doubt
its relevance in this
consumer culture
in which I find myself.
A critic once called me
"one of Oregon's most
precious natural resources"
which sounded flattering
until I remembered how we
treat the environment.
I used to tell myself
that the worth of my work
would emerge more widely
after my death but now
this too has the sour
after-taste of delusion.
I made many sacrifices
on behalf of my work.
Were they made in vain?
I'm not the first to ask.
I won't be the last.
