I have been accused of holding Harriet's friends in contempt. Whoever thinks that needs to go back to a Reading Comprehension class. I have said that the actions of a few have really upset me and that the actions of others have been generously supportive.
Yes, I freaked out over a card Harriet received, but the one and only reason I freaked out was because Harriet herself freaked out. My concern is Harriet's welfare, period. I don't give a rat's ass about much else right now.
I only know what the doctors tell me ... I am not a brain doctor. When the doctors tell me something different, I report it, as I did earlier with the new info about visiting her at home. I already said, in detail, that I think the hospital needs to be clearer about rules for visiting and that some of the confusion was not the fault of friends but of the hospital. However, the particular card, which was in itself loving, as I stated, was far too complex and convoluted and rhetorically sophisticated for Harriet to deal with it. "Why is she telling me this?" Harriet asked. I didn't say so, but my answer would be, She is telling you this because she thinks you are sitting there wondering why she is not visiting, when she would be there every day if permitted.
Well, in truth, Harriet never once mentioned this friend, who probably is in the short term memory bank that is damaged. Harriet worried about her best friend in high school, her family, three friends from the 1970s ... but recent stuff is temporarily forgotten. This card totally upset and freaked out Harriet, and I freaked out in response. Sorry about that. I can be an emotional guy.
But many more friends have been explicitly supportive of me than the opposite. I thought I had made that clear.
I don't hold anyone in contempt, not even the one who freaked Harriet out. It was a love letter, for God's sake! But it was too complicated. Harriet had forgotten the beginning of it by the time she got to the end of it, and what she worried about was, Why is she telling me this? and Doesn't she like me any more? I didn't put the friend down to Harriet. I said she loves you but is very bad at communicating it and would have flunked my writing class at PSU, which turned the emotional disastrous moment into humor, Harriet smiling, and we went on from there.
I shouldn't have written anything about it in the blog. I shouldn't even be writing the blog for the minority crap I get form it. I did for relatives back east, first and foremost.
Look, this is so common a problem that the doctors said, a great challenge will be managing well meaning friends. This is a typical conflict. I also wrote that if it is, the hospital should figure out a better way to deal with it and communicate the realities of brain damage.
I will be absolutely and totally delighted when I can return to my life of silence and meditation and not have to communicate anything to anyone about Harriet's health, because it won't be an issue. Until then, you have to put up with me.
And this is about as charitable as I am capable of ha ha.
"Doing nothing, if properly understood, is the supreme action." Norman O. Brown.
