Yesterday's great news is dependent on Harriet doing her program. Frankly, I'm not sure she can do this very easily. I am a Zen existentialist, which means I believe individuals are free and responsible -- even to fuck up their own lives.
I will communicate to Harriet my understanding of what the doctors tell me is the best mental environment for her recovery of memory. But I will not force her to do anything. I can keep the external environment safe, to an extent, but if she wants to drive a car without a license and grabs a key and takes off, I will yell at her but I will not physically stop her.
I believe we all have the cosmic right to act in our own worst interests. Some of you think I am a cop but actually I am quite the opposite. I believe in individual freedom -- so much so that I think people have the RIGHT to commit suicide and I would like to see the Oregon Death with Dignity Act expanded to include anyone, regardless of health, over a certain old age. You are 80 and have had enough? No problem, we will help you so you don't have to blow your brains out.
Yesterday I saw a bit of the old spunk in Harriet, which actually can work against her own best interests right now. I will tell her that. But I will not lock her up in the house. It is her life. If she wants to go through life with 50% memory instead of 90% because she does not maximize her mental environment for recovery, that is her business. I will tell her and I'm sure the out patient doctors will tell her what she needs to do.
The car driving issue came up again yesterday. She doesn't like this one bit. Understandable. But it can be reversed, IF AND ONLY IF she recovers enough. But if her independence streak takes hold, and she decides to drive anyway, well, bon voyage.
One thing I have learned from this is how precious and special and vibrant and electric simple life is ... and it is a waste of time to sit around being unhappy about anything. I was unhappy about certain things, and one way or another, those things are going to change in the long run. First things first: help recovery; sell the house.
