I can get Harriet into an understanding of the challenge ahead and what needs to be done to best create a brain healing environment ... but it only sticks for a few minutes and we start all over again. Her desire, on the surface, is to jump right back into her busy life. She thinks she missed old meetings BEFORE her heart attack because she can't remember being at them and so wants to reschedule them (!!!) and it's a chore to get her to understand she is not going to any meetings for a while, nor being in crowds, nor doing anything that activates her brain too much. It's like throwing a pass with an injured wrist ... you do that, it won't heal. You have to rest injured parts of the anatomy, including the brain. How do you get Harriet to rest her brain?
We had a good talk this morning, got her in a good place, she understands, and she went back to sleep. But I would not be surprised if the first thing she says when she wakes up is, Do I have any meetings today? and we start all over again.
I am curious how long my own patience will last. I have not yet succeeded into turning this into a vacation or a honeymoon, to make not going to meetings FUN for her, but I'll keep trying. My fantasy was that this would be good for us and our marriage, forcing us to be together more, but this, too, is a challenge because apparently "staying at home" is not a strong concept with her. She may be the only person I know who doesn't embrace the opportunity of having a six month vacation.
I am staying sane by remembering a bigger picture. This is just after the first intermission of Act One of a long, heavy drama. Act One: Harriet's Rehab Act Two: Selling the House Act Three: Charles Addresses His Needs.
Acts one and two are pretty much outlined. Act three, of course, follows from what happens in acts one and two. I see all areas of the spectrum as possible at this point. But I am not a martyr and when my services as caretaker are done and the house is sold, I am going to do what is best for me, not for her ... and I have no idea whether or not there will be an "us" then. It is hard to get a sense of "us" with someone you seldom spend time with. It feels like a concept, not a living environment.
So ... anything can happen! I haven't given up on the honeymoon idea yet and even got a smile out of her about it this morning. But she won't remember. She'll worry she forgot some meeting she has to attend. I have no idea how to change her priorities. Maybe I shouldn't even try. It's her life and if she wants to spend it going to meetings, who the hell am I to try and stop her?
